i’ve had tickets to catch aziz’s dangerously delicious tour since april. as the original houston date was back in july, it was quickly rescheduled to october 16th, which caused my tickets to catch a yellowish hue over the months. i’ve literally never had to wait that long to see a show i had tickets for, so it was an odd experience on it’s own.

as the date grew near and the demand for tickets at the sold out HOB show increased, aziz added a second (late) show, for which i had tickets to. for no reason other than not having to see a comedy show while it’s still daylight outside. but that’s neither here nor there.

hit the review after the jump.

-grizzly

photo credit: uncleboatshoes

The show began right on time, with opening act Harris Wittels. I know what you’re thinking, “Fuck you Harris! I do exist!” I did too, but I would quickly find out that Wittels has written for shows such as Parks and Recreation (The Aziz humor on the show makes a lot more sense now) and The Sarah Silverman Program. The man was clearly nervous, and for good reason. The HOB’s audience was packed to the brim, with folks hanging off the rafters with signs and other fanfare. Since I’ve never written about a comedy show, I’ll try my best not to ruin too many jokes, but Wittels’ best was his opening line. He would come out to a dimmed spotlight, introduced ‘the opening act,’ and walked off stage. Only to return moments later proclaiming, “The opening act is me! Give it up for me!” The runner-up, as offensive as it may be, came amidst a bunch of drunk driving and coke in the bathroom jokes. As he was describing his less-than-stellar attributes according to the female gender, he would describe his height as “5’Faggot,” which undoubtedly set the entire venue ablaze with laughter.

Aziz was next, and the in-between wait was long enough for about 10 people to pee, of which I was one. Hitting the stage to Kanye West’s “Power,” there was a certain stage presence about him. He was far more confident than he was on Intimate Moments for a Sensual Evening, although I’m sure hosting the MTV Movie Awards had a lot to do with that. I know many of you won’t be catching this tour as it’s almost seeing its end, so I’ll go ahead and ruin a highlight for you: You know the “no audio or video recording” signs everywhere? Well, Aziz knows that you don’t give a shit about those, and wanted to work out a compromise with the audience. He said that anyone could take any amount of pictures they wanted to within the next 4-5 minutes, as he posed and vogued as if he was mid-joke. This included fake crowd interactions with a white supremest and dry-humping a stool, so it was definitely off to a good start.

One of the joke sets I appreciated was of him observing more and more of his irresponsible friends getting married and having kids. Posing the question that all of us wonder when some of our friends get hitched far too early or catch an “accident” in a child. There were also talks of these aforementioned parents sodomizing bowls of macaroni and cheese, which left many to wonder about what they were missing. Half-kidding. Other highlights included a bit about shooting pornos in donut shops, rendering yourself useless to everyday work because of your addiction to Wikipedia and IMDB, Motley Crue’s penchant for inserting their genitalia in burritos to cover their tracks of infidelity and reading 21 pages of racial slurs. (including my favorite, “Christ Killer.” Apparently it’s when someone hates Asians so much, that they believe that they are single-handedly responsible for the death of our Lord and Savior. Naturally, I thought of AJ and how much I hate him.)

The show definitely lived up to the bar set by his stand-up routine on Intimate Moments, and at times, far surpassed it. For the encore, he mentioned that Ra(aaaaaaa)ndy would not be in attendance, as he recently was receiving oral pleasures on a volcano, fell in and died. He also had members of the crowd shout out topics for him to joke about. On deck for this particular evening (and probably most others) were Justin Bieber (see: him and Jaden Smith being unable to engage in groupie-love), Kanye West (how Rosewood means shit, because investment bankers are real) and R. Kelly. The latter of which included a set-ending song about having sex with your woman while leaning against a drive-thru ATM.

GOTTA HAVE IT.

Here’s a clip of the fake photo-shoot he allowed us to do:

-grizzly